I've decided to take up fencing. I wore my six-inch heel black boots and didn't shave my nether regions. The class were taken aback when I turned up naked, but these are the things we do to live up to great names such as 'Pussy in Boots'.

If I happen to swing on a lamp post in the middle of the day Officer, this does not mean I am drunk and disorderly! I am merely showing off my ability to be flirty and flippant at any time of day. Not to mention my thighs are being shown off to the best of their ability this way. If you want to book me for being drunk and disordely Officer, please note I will be dancing on my favourite table at my favourite wine bar in approximately 9 minutes. Now let me get on with my morning!

Finally managed to capture the heart of newest love interest/covers band bass guitarist. Well, captured all of him really. Using my standard hessian sack and tape trick, I pounced on him after band practice. I then dragged him back to my abode willingly, and tied him to one of my new antique kitchen chairs. (A past lover had left them when he had to vacate his apartment quite suddenly after I had ...been there one night. Seems landlords don't appreciate it when you knock out retaining walls to build yourself a walk-in closet. Who uses kitchens these days anymore, anyhow?).

So, with bass guitarist tied and bound I prance about giving him my best love dance complete with bunny hop, jazz hands and ending in a fantastic downward dog. Mission complete - he is besotted by me (bewildered/besotted - who cares?!). I think he'll call. His screams as he flew out of my front door were not as terrified as they could have been. Yep, just another night....

Apologies dear readers, I have been on a job that required me to, shall we say, 'lay low' for a while. Yes, my old bosses from the Tokyo 'modeling agency' have tracked me down and I had to do a 'quick run' to an eastern block country to pay them back for skipping out last time. Plenty of action to be had that I can't share unfortunately. Lets just say that 3 certain men will have smiles on their faces for a long time to come. 2 guys will never look at me the same way again (or indeed any other woman). And 1 gentleman has converted to buddism to find 'peace and inner calm'. Seems I have all sorts of effects on people. Oh well, a job worth doing is worth doing well I say!

Have been permanently banned from newest love interests unit block. Apparently, cover band bassists don't appreciate it when you knock on everyone's door in the block asking the neighbours to sign a petition to have him chuck the band and go solo. With moi as his agent, I guaranteed he would be my one and only client and I would look after him very very well! Some people don't know it when a genuine opportunity lands in their lap. Maybe I should consider door knocking at 2.00pm instead of 2.00am??

Poor new love interest has indeed not known what's happened to his previously quiet and inane existence. All I did was climb through his window and lay wantonly on his bed awaiting his arrival. What harm? Although he didn't seem impressed with the state I'd left his liquor cabinet and undies drawer in. And perhaps my wanton look of wearing 10 pairs of his boxers all over my person and the possibility I was passed out and he couldn't get to the iPod dock remote which was blasting "Shiny Shiny" on high rotation. Still I say, what harm?

Discovered can actually bestow myself upon two unwilling participants at once. Sat on front stoop of beloved/arch nemesis' abode singing "Throw Your Arms Around Me" at top of voice repeatedly whilst sent 257 texts/vmails (including pics of me in various states of drunkenness on a stoop) to new cover band bass guitarist love interest. One is used to my delightful quirkiness whilst the other poor innocent won't know what hit him!