I've decided to take up fencing. I wore my six-inch heel black boots and didn't shave my nether regions. The class were taken aback when I turned up naked, but these are the things we do to live up to great names such as 'Pussy in Boots'.

If I happen to swing on a lamp post in the middle of the day Officer, this does not mean I am drunk and disorderly! I am merely showing off my ability to be flirty and flippant at any time of day. Not to mention my thighs are being shown off to the best of their ability this way. If you want to book me for being drunk and disordely Officer, please note I will be dancing on my favourite table at my favourite wine bar in approximately 9 minutes. Now let me get on with my morning!