Bemused over being made single again, went out and tackled the first good looking fella I saw. Unfortunately (for him) was bassist in covers band playing at local pub. Fortunately (for us), we landed stage right into jelly wrestling pit. Unfortunately (for him) it was during his big solo. Fortunately (for everyone) I ended a rather brave rendition of 'American Pie' the band had been playing for over 6 hours. Something about a world record competition. I don't know why he hasn't called.

Have been dropped like a used crocheted hanky! Like a lukewarm cup of tea on a checked linoleum floor! Like a pair of old grey knickers with no elastic! Boyfriend has hooked up with some strumpet his own age at rest home. He says she plays a mean bingo. I think he is hoping she strikes it rich. What a USER! Am baffled. He never asked ME to play bingo.....

Took elderly-gent-friend out for a spin and some fresh air. He handled the pillion ride on Mutty's Harley with courage and a bravery I haven't seen in a 19 year old, let alone 90. May be beginning to have real feelings for the old digger. Nah, was just left over tummy flips from roller coaster ride I made him endure. Beginning to think he may out live me...

My new boyfriend and I are getting along famously. I can tell he likes it when I use his phone to call my girlfriends long distance, 'cos his left eyebrow shoots upwards...he even left his credit card hanging inside his wallet for me to use...sweet petal he his!

Men may not be so complicated after all. May have found the perfect one. He lives in a rest home and can't speak but I can tell he appreciates my GSOH and his signature hand still works. Tested it out on a little piece of paper entitled 'will and testament'.

Cannot figure out opposite sex. May have to start allowing them to talk to me so can gain insight into their cluttered minds. Failing that will club one and bring back to abode for interrogation using my female intrigue (handcuffs and a bottle of whipped cream)...