FiFi Jo's Morning After the Night Before

One Monday morning somewhere in your city....

6.00am:
Walk along Main Street in Backwater Suburb eating a croissant and looking into shop windows admiring my reflection. Feeling very 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' until I discover my beehive looks more like a birds nest, my dress has hand prints about the cleavage and a tyre mark across the hem, one kitten heel has broken off and my croissant is actually cold toast. Stick out hand for cab to immediately stop in front of me as per my status decrees, but just get weird looks from teenager on skateboard. Consider this mode of transportation for a moment but will not allow myself to stoop to riding in anything without tinted windows, or indeed an engine.

6.03am
Arrive home after endless walk of shame.

6.04am
Pass out.

3.18pm
Awoken in front garden flower bed by buzzing sounds, to discover birds nest hairdo now a real beehive.

3.18.30pm
Vow never to drink a carafe of cherry vodka followed by 6 Jagerbomb shooters EVER AGAIN

4.45pm
Ring work and explain will not be in today, as suffering from RSI of wrist. Boss explains cannot get Repetitive Strain Injury from dancing on tables, and that as I start work at 9.00am had understandably figured out I wasn't coming in. Takes great pains in chuckling down phone that I had missed out on Cheryl from HR's birthday mudcake and gift giving afternoon. Why he thinks I care to see a 65 year old opening naughty underwear presents and crying about the lack of love life on which to use them is beyond me. Reminded myself to get the $1.50 back that I had put in.

5.10pm
As don't own fridge decide to trundle down to local wine bar for 'Happy Hour' pick-me-up and free nibbles between 5.00 - 6.00pm.

5.20pm
Couple at table next to me complain of lack of food whilst wait-staff explain that they usually order enough to last the full hour. Luckily I can stay svelt no matter how much I eat thanks to my Swedish genes (12 generations past) and the lack of money spent on actually buying anything edible.

5.37pm
Call from best friend needing assistance with two American sailors, a jug of alcopop and a "rather posh penthouse with real art" in City.

6.00am
Walk along Main Street in Backwater Suburb eating a croissant and looking into shop windows admiring my reflection....