Awake in my sun-filled bedroom to the drunken wails of my current pursuant wafting through my window, a snoring stranger in my bed, and a hangover the size of Mount Kosciuszko. Make immediate decision to change my dull life full of partying, sleeping in, screening calls from desirous beau's and dodging my over-eager stalker. Add my role as 'crazy aunt' to my 2 male offspring once a month and I find it all so very exhausting for my delicate constitution. I need a holiday!
As my income is derived from 5 ex-boyfriends 'hush money', 3 current lovers' wooing funds and 1 ex-husband's 'leave me alone and never speak to me again' cash, I can afford to go where I may. As have been to most places in the world (and have the cancelled visa's to prove it), decide to ring Best Friend for advice. Catch her feeling magnanimous amid post-coital cuddles with current boyfriend (a theatre usher). She suggests we go somewhere together as she needs to 'come up for air'. I tell her I don't need the gory details of her sex life and hang up on her with tawdry visions involving epaulets and tassels.
Decide I'm better off going alone. Find my well worn atlas to make responsible grown up choice of holiday destination. Close eyes, open atlas and point. Hmmmm, have landed in middle of Arabian Sea. Well, nothing there...no wait! A teeny tiny island. I Google it and find that it is owned by a certain Sheik I have already had the displeasure of knowing. Won't be going there again. Close eyes and point to...Baffin Island, Canada. Too cold! El Salvador. Too hot! Mont Blanc. Too high! Greenland. Are you kidding me?! Ugh! This is no use. Try one last time. Perth. Aha! Never been, no passport required, warm and sunny and I know the language. Perfect!
Book flights and private car & driver transfers online. Accommodation offers will no doubt be abundant within the first bar I walk into. I leave tomorrow!
5 days later...
Awake in a Cottesloe sun-filled bedroom to the drunken calls of my newest stalker wafting through the window, yet another stranger in my bed, and a hangover the size of Mount Kilimanjaro.
Goodness it's great to be on holiday!
Perth? Must look it up online for future reference when escaping the doldrums of Hotlanta. Not sure how far hush money will stretch in my case but out of country hahahaha ( witch cackle) oh wait asked and answered-" get out of town!" ( and some other stuff cannot write, don't want to upset FIFi 's delicate sensitivities) see y'all down yonder(if I can just roll out of bed and get that suitcase and find appropriate clothing and, and, and.....SS
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