So, my oldest and dearest friend turned arch-nemesis has returned! Miss Veronica Dale aka 'V.D.' aka 'Roni'. Hmmmm. Not sure if I need the competition quite frankly. She was always the pretty one in school. The Mary Tyler Moore to my Rhoda Morgenstern. The Shirley to my Laverne. The Bilbo to my Sam. She is still excessively, stinkingly, wealthy too. You may well understand my frustration! How did she go from Best Friend to Rival? It all started a week before the High School dance...
All through school I was in love with a boy. His name was Johnny James (but let's call him George Glass for security reasons). You know the boy you can never speak to without dribbling, or coughing or giggling so that he thinks you're a freak? The one who's friends you sleep with (and in my case, also his dad) just to get his attention? The one who ignores you all through school and writes rude stuff on the toilet doors about you sleeping with his friends? Well, that boy for me was George Glass. One week before the final High School dance he asks me out. I am thrilled beyond belief. I make out to my Best friend, Veronica Dale, that it's no big deal but elicit her assistance in the buying of new apparel for said big date anyway. I purchase the newest of new acid wash jeans, white sky-high pumps, lacy red blouse and my hair is dry-blowed and flicked to within an inch of it's blonde highlighted life. I'm ready for George to take me out and sweep me off my feet! He arrives in his cool, decked out purple panel van and looks like a teen heart throb. When I hear the front door bell it's not just my heart that is throbbing! Roni answers the door, intending to invite him in and allow me to 'make my entrance'. Instead, she takes one look at him and decides he's worth keeping for herself! Yes! Veronica Dale is a boyfriend stealer! A brazen hussy! A duplicitous minx!
I have to pretend it doesn't matter at all one way or the other to me. With a brave face I allow them to leave together. Except it is not OK! My life is ruined! My best friend and nearly 1 day old boyfriend have betrayed me! I lie in bed all night making plans to ruin Miss Veronica Dale's life....
At the dance I take Phillips, Veronica's driver/security and most trusted employee. She pretends not to notice when Phillips and I make out on the dance floor. Instead, she and George make out on the stage, with a spotlight ensuring everyone sees what a poor lover he is. One year later, I have finally wrangled my way into her father's bed, his heart and her trust fund. Another year later and my plan to set fire to her father's yacht whilst in the Caribbean is a success. Unfortunately, all on board including Veronica, are saved.
Dear readers, would you not do the same? Do you see my predicament? Years later and she has returned, seemingly genuine in redeeming my friendship. I have decided to take the high road, let the water flow under the bridge and be the mature one. I will forget the past and look to the future. I will not succumb to the pettinesses of a High School playground.
I will my arse!
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